To continue my proactivity program, yesterday I attended a free meeting of a cancer support workshop in midtown sponsored by the volunteer organization SHARE. There were twelve of us at this workshop, which turned out to be on the theme of Loneliness after Cancer. This wasn't what I had in mind, exactly -- I was picturing sharing feelings about having had breast cancer surgery, specifically mastectomy, but hell, I know a thing or two about being lonely, so no problem.
Was it supportive? Not really, but it was a very moving and not least, entertaining two hours, I can tell you that. We spent most of the time "going around" the table telling our personal stories. All the women were my age or older, and all were alone -- widowed, divorced, never married -- except for a deaf woman who has a long-term female partner who lives in another state. I was stunned by the sorrow and burdens these women have shouldered alone: the elegant former fashion designer, who lived many years in Paris, now alone in NYC after a break-up (and was blow-you-away beautiful at age sixty-ish), the plump, sweet woman who has no family or friends in the area because they've all gone down South, the widow who keeps her house the way it was when her beloved husband died...all of them.
And then there were the two nutty ones. One gave us an overly detailed monologue of her many, many ailments, but she was Noreen Normal compared to the last member of the circle to speak, an innocent-looking gray-haired old lady with rimless glasses who relished her time at the metaphorical microphone so much that she immediately launched into a diatribe about everyone who was against her and has attacked her (including, embarrasingly, the "Mexican janitor" in her building, "those people" in her neighborhood, and the "Russian mob" who tried to climb into her window...I wondered how the black and Latina members of the group felt about that.) Unfortunately she could not be persuaded to stop speaking, and when the wonderful volunteer who was our leader gently suggested she had to "finish up because our time is almost done," Gray-Haired Lady spit bitterly, "Oh,SO...I'm not allowed to speak now? I can't say what I want to say?". Yet no one was mean to her, though she got on all our nerves.
The women were so different from one another, though united by this common theme of cancer and loneliness for this one afternoon. This is something I enjoy, hearing the stories of people and seeing how they do or do not cope. They spoke about how hard it is to make friends "at my time of life", how they try to reach out but find themselves isolated at home, how they worry that they will die on the living room floor and no one will know. Almost no one had children and grandchildren, as I do, and I found myself extremely thankful that I have those strong connections, that intense love in my life.
Tomorrow is Cancer Support Group Number Two, this one led by the lovely social worker at Sloan-Kettering who talked me down when I was phobic before the surgery. I'm looking forward to it. Really, I could go to support groups every day. Also, another item on my Proactive List was checked off today...yes, there are free (I said FREE) exercise classes for breast cancer patients/survivors at the local community center, paid for by a charitable organization. I plan to go next week to the yoga class. Since spending too much time at home has been making me a bit crazy, this is clearly the way to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment