This weekend I've experienced a lot of anxiety. Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep, not typical of me. I can't wait for this week to be over: the MRI on Monday, the talk with the surgeon about the results on Tuesday, scheduling the surgery.
I also feel a lot of sadness. Even if this doesn't take my life, cancer is preoccupying the very time that I thought I'd have to work hard at my book project and yet also relax, free of the usual pressures of teaching. Instead it seems that January will be devoted to taking care of this invader.
On the good side, I saw a lot of my little grandsons, ages 3.5 and 6 months, who live nearby these last two days, and they could not be more distracting. No matter what, I can't help laughing when I'm with them. Visiting me, the 3 year old commented, "This is a nice place,Grammy". Actually it's a small cluttered studio, but he doesn't care about that.
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