That's a question mark after the word "News", because I can't be certain yet. But the visit to the surgeon today went well. He ordered a mammogram right away, which showed only the cancer at the spot already found, and nothing else. I was nervous as a cat, but my daughter C., who took off work to come with me, chattered like a magpie the whole time and I got through it.
I'm not entirely reassured because the doctor said I must also have an MRI next week, since that can show cancer that doesn't appear on the mammogram. So I have to get through that too. And I will definitely lose more of my breast, including the nipple, or have a mastectomy, depending on what the MRI on Monday shows. I'm not out of the woods. But neither am I imagining last letters to my children any longer, or trying to think of someone to take my cats after I'm gone.
Funny what pleasure small things can give when life has just been hanging over the cliff, ready to fall. I came home and cooked myself a good meal and felt enormously happy. As for the poor breast that will fall to the surgeon's knife, right now I am ready to part with it, the same way I parted with the luxuriant hair I had at twenty, or marriage, or money. Life is change and loss, as my brother E. likes to say. Better to lose the breast than what I really value.
Hi Amaryllis Veronica,
ReplyDeleteI'm Sonia's sister, and am also 64, with stage 4 breast cancer. I've been living with stage four cancer for four years, treated for three. It was my third diagnosis.
But the real reason for my responding to your blog posts is that your reasons for blogging were precisely my reasons. I'm not a journalist by nature, more of a visual artist, but words have become very important to me in the past fifteen years, as I struggle with my myriad feelings and try to find meaning in what I am going through.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, in your struggle, in your thoughts, or on the internet. Perhaps we will meet up somewhere along the way. At the very least, here on the blog. BTW, check mine out at http://revcarla.blogspot.com.
I will, Carla. Sonia has spoken of you, and mentioned you right away when she heard about this recurrence. Thank you so much for your comment.
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