Another Day

I'm embarrassed to say that though I sat in front of a computer several hours in the library today, supposedly working on my book, I accomplished very little. Instead I spent most of my time there reading reviews of the new Mike Leigh movie I saw yesterday ("Another Year") and searching for articles on how predictive MRI results are for successful surgery on Paget's Disease, the form of cancer I have.

I love to read movie reviews after I've seen a movie, especially one I'm on the fence about, but an hour and a half of this is over the top even for me. I did find a couple of very interesting medical articles co-authored (to my surprise) by my own surgeon on exactly the question I was researching. How fortuitous was that? And the answer was gratifying: apparently studies show that MRI exams are quite reliable in spotting "occult" (meaning hidden, those that don't show up on mammograms) breast cancer. Tumors of various types and sizes usually accompany Paget's and their presence determines whether the patient must have a mastectomy or might -- notice might -- be able to get away with excision of the nipple area.

Now to be fair to myself, all this distraction and procrastination probably had to do with waiting all day for the surgeon to call me back, which he has not, as of this writing at past 5 pm. I haven't spoken to him since I had the mammogram and MRI, and I can't know or do another thing till he tells me what the tests mean and where we should go next. So while there isn't the dark cloud of dreadful anxiety that made waiting for imaging results so difficult, I do still feel a bit on edge about that phone call and not knowing when the surgery will take place. I worried all day about missing it, the way I missed the dermatologist when she called to tell me the biopsy showed cancer, while I was in the bathroom for five minutes and left the cell phone in the other room. I then had to wait for another horrible hour or so to get hold of her.

"He's been in surgery all day," said the secretary snippily when I called him again at 4:30 pm. Apparently I'm going to be waiting some more.